Orihime in Wonderland
by fanfictionusername
Summary: Parody of Alice in Wonderland r & r


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH OR ALICE IN WONDERLAND**

In Which Orihime is Alice in Wonderland

-Down the rabbit hole-

Orihime is sitting by her brother lazily and became a bit tired, and she sees a White Urahara Rabbit in a waistcoat carrying a watch. She follows it down a rabbit hole and falls down a very long chamber full of strange things on the shelves. After landing safely on the ground, she goes into a long beautiful hallway with a glass table and a gold zanpakuto. Orihime opens up a curtain and finds a small door, which zanpakuto fits in perfectly, waking up the door jidanbo up, and later tells her behind him is a beautiful garden, but she cant fit in. Orihime then finds a gikongan pill that says "EAT ME," and eats it. the pill causes her to shrink. Orihime accidentally leaves the zanpakuto on the table, and with her diminished stature can no longer reach it and becomes very scared. She then sees sake that says "DRINK ME," and proceeds to drink it.

-The Pool of Tears-

The consumption of sake makes Orihime grow to be 9 feet tall. She cries, creating a pool of tears. The White Urahara Rabbit comes into the hallway, and is so frightened he drops his fan and kid-gloves. Orihime then fans herself with his fan and kid-gloves, causing her to shrink again, but she stops before she goes out altogether.  
She swims through the pool of tears she had cried whe she was larger, and finds Hitsugaya mouse who is awfully scared of cats. They wash up onto a bank, where they meet many birds and animals, who are also soaking wet.

-A Caucus Race and a Long Tale-

An Ichimaru Dodo decides that the birds and animals should dry off with a Caucus Race, which has no rules except to run in a circle. After half an hour or so, the race ends and everyone wins, which means they all get prizes.  
Orihimw gives out her comfits as the prizes, and Hitsugaya Mouse tells her why he hates cats, which Orihime misinterprets as "tail." In the end Orihime ends up alienating the participants of the race, resulting in her being left alone once again.

-Urahara Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill-

The White Urahara Rabbit mistakes Orihime for his house maid, Tessai. He asks her to fetch a pair of gloves and a fan. Orihime goes into the house, and she finds a bottle. Though not labled "DRINK ME" she drinks it anyway.  
The drink now makes her grow so big that she blocks the entrance and the White Urahara Rabbit is no longer able to get into the house. The White Urahara Rabbit asks a lizard named Renji to get her out. Renji climbs in through the chimmney, but is kicked by Orihime's giant leg that is stuck there. The White Urahara Rabbit then decides out loud that house should be burned doen, where Orihime then responds fervently "If you do I'll set Yoruichi at you!", Yoruichi being a young black kitten that Orihime owns. Silence follows and then chatter about 'A barrowfull will do, to begin with' followed by a shower of little pebbles being thrown through the window. The pebbles quickly turn into small cakes and Orihime swallows one, suddenly causing her to shrink again to her earlier size. Back down to size Orihime makes her way out of the house to find a small crowd of assorted animals,  
who in turn make a rush toward Alice when they see her. Quickly retreating into the nearby thick wood she finds herself confronted by an enormous Chad puppy (note that Orihime is merely a few inches tall at this time) and plays fetch with the Chad puppy, tiring him into sleep. She rests for a moment herself, looking around and spotting a mushroom growing near her, she examines all angles of the mushroom and decides to have a peek at what might be on top of it. As she stands tiptoe and looks, her eyes meet with the ones of an Ishida blue Caterpillar,  
who is sitting arms folded quietly smoking a hookah (??).

-Advice from an Ishida Caterpillar-

Orihime asks how she can get bigger, but the Ishida Caterpillar asks her to recite "Old Father William" instead. After doing so (with a few errors), the Ishida Caterpillar tells her that one side of the mushroom will make her bigger and the other side will make her smaller. The Ishida Caterpillar disappears leaving Orihime all alone. Orihime first tries the right side, which makes her chin get stuck to her foot. Then she tries the left side, which makes her neck grow very long. A pigeon flies into her face, believing she is a serpent, but Orihime tells her that she is a little girl. She then eats different sides of the mushroom and gets back to her usual height.

-Pig and Pepper-

Now at her right size, Orihime comes upon a house with an Ikkaku-Footman and a Yumichika-Footman in front. The Yumichika-Footman has an invitation for Zaraki Duchess, which he delivers to the Ikkaku-Footman. Orihime observes this transaction and, after a perplexing conversation with Ikkaku, goes into the house and meets Zaraki the Duchess, Kyoraku the Cook, Yachiru the Baby, and Zaraki the Duchess's Zangetsu-Cat. Kyoraku the Cook is throwing dishes and making a soup which has too much pepper, which causes Orihime, the Duchess and the baby, but not the cook or the Zangetsu-Cat, to sneeze. The Duchess tosses her baby up and down while reciting the poem "Speak roughly to your little boy." When the poem is over, Zaraki the Duchess gives Orihime Yachiru the baby while he leaves to go play croquet with the Queen. To Orihime's surprise, Yachiru the baby later turns into a pig, so she lets it go off into the woods. The Zangetsu-Cat then appears in a tree, telling her about the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. He then disappears, his grin remaining behind to float on its own in the air.

-A Mad Tea Party-

Orihime becomes a guest at a mad tea party, along with Kira the Hatter, Shuuhei the March Hare, and Hinamori the Dormouse. In the course of the party, Orihime reveals that the date is May 4. The other characters give Orihime many riddles and stories, until she becomes so insulted that she leaves, claiming that it was the stupidest tea party that she had ever been to. Orihime comes upon a door in a tree, and enters it, and finds herself back in the long hallway. She opens the door, eats part of her mushroom, and shrinks so she can get into the beautiful garden.

-Queen Matsumoto's Croquet Ground-

Now in the beautiful garden, she comes upon 3 cards painting the roses on a rose tree red, for they accidentally planted a white-rose tree which Matsumoto the Queen of Hearts hates. A procession of more cards, kings and queens and even the White Urahara Rabbit comes into the garden. She meets the violent Queen of Hearts Matsumoto and the less violent King of Hearts Byakuya. Queen Matsumoto tells the executioner to chop off the three card gardeners'  
heads. A game of croquet begins, with hollows as the mallets and as the balls. Queen Matsumoto condemns more people to death, and Orihime once again meets Zangetsu Cat, who asks her how the queen is. Matsumoto The Queen of Hearts then tries to find out how they can chop off Zangetsu Cat's head, even though he is only a floating head. Orihime asks her about Zaraki the Duchess, so Queen Matsumoto asks the executioner to get Zaraki the Duchess out of prison.

-Tosen the Mock Turtle's Story-

Zaraki the Duchess is brought to the croquet ground. She is now less angry and is always trying to find morals in things (she claims the pepper made her angry.) Matsumoto the Queen of Hearts then shows Orihime Aizen the Gryphon, who takes her to Tosen the Mock Turtle. Tosen the Mock Turtle is very sad, even though he has no sorrow.  
He tries to tell his story about how he used to be a turtle, which Aizen the Gryphon interrupts so they can play a game.

-The Lobster Quadrille-

Tosen the Mock Turtle and Aizen the Gryphon start dancing to Ukitake the Lobster Quadrille, singing "Tis the Voice of Ukitake the Lobster." Tosen the Mock Turtle then sings "Beautiful Soup" during which Orihime and Aizen the Gryphon have to leave for a trial while Tosen the Mock Turtle continues singing.

-Who Stole the Tarts?-

At the trial, Soifon the Knave of Hearts is accused of stealing the tarts. The jury box is made up of twelve animals, including Renji the Lizard, and the judge is Byakuya the King of Hearts. The first witness is Kira the Mad Hatter, who doesn't help the case at all. The next witness though, is Orihime.

-Orihime's Evidence-

Orihime eats part of the mushroom, causing her to grow and accidentally knocks over the Jury Box. Matsumoto the Queen of Hearts is about to sentence them to death, but Orihime calls them all just a pack of cards, causing them to swirl around her and turn into dead leaves. Orihime's brother wakes her up, since it was all a dream. Orihime tells her brother all about the strange dream she had just awoken from.

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Again, if you hated it, dont hesitate to "flame" me, but please be kind. thanks for reading

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